Baby makes three

Sign. Sealed. Delivered. You're ours.

2011-10-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Finley,
On Monday you became official.

We've been waiting for October 3rd for what feels like years now. Waiting with bated breath until it was signed in ink. Until 10am on Monday morning your name had been Asiimwe Joseph, and then, then with a swirl of her pen the judge changed your name, and you became one hundred percent ours. Our very own, Finley Asiimwe Lane Quisenberry. An American citizen. Recognized by the government as our son.

And even though, it may have only became officially official on Monday, I want you to know my sweet little man you have been in my heart long before you were ever born. You have been my son since the second we got that email from Africa telling us we were matched with a wee little one. You had me from that very instant, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. Not even for one second. I wondered what you would be like and if you would have dimples and a big belly laugh. I couldn't wait to hold you... and now that your home with us my arms still ache to hold you sometimes. Sometimes when your sleeping it's all I can do not to wake you up, cuddle you right then and there. Cover you from head to toe in kisses.

And when you wake up in the morning and I tell you I missed you while you were sleeping, I'm not making that up. I do miss you ever second I'm away from you. It's crazy and maybe a little weird, but I don't care. Some people would say I'm spoiling you. I say I'm just making up for lost time.

Your daddy and I are so in love with you Finley, and no matter where life takes you or what decisions you make in the future we will aways love you. Nothing can change that. We love you to the moon and back.

Hugs and kisses,
Mommy

"I carry your heart with me, I carry you in my heart"

THE END.

A year and a day

2011-08-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today, running errands with mommy.

Dear sweet baby boy,

Today marks one year and a day since getting the letter. 366 days ago Daddy and I were trying to keep ourselves occupied while we waited. It was late at night and I had that ever present knot in my stomach wondering if tonight would be the night. I kept checking my emails over and over and over. Somehow it made me feel like it did something to refresh that little button. The word wait had been going on repeat in my head for over a year, and even though I knew it was crucial to wait for the right timing and the right baby, I was tired of waiting. Ready to have you in my arms yesterday.

That night we knew we should be hearing back from our lawyers at anytime, and we knew they had been to Western Uganda and gotten files on two little boys, so I checked a million times a minute. Look at daddy, refresh button. Bite of popcorn, refresh. But over and over again my inbox was empty. Night after night...

and then, there was a email in my inbox. I remember being shocked. Not believing it was real. 11:25 at night. I looked at your daddy and started to cry before I could even get to reading the letter.

Tears. Joy. Tears.

" ... the child you were given by the home is Asiimwe Joseph. The child is a baby boy aged five months."

So many tears, so much happiness.

My whole life changed that very moment.

No longer two, but three. A family.

A mom and a dad with a baby boy an ocean away from us. Longing for you.

I remember wishing for you more then I had before that night. Laying in bed and wondering what you were doing. Trying to put a face to your little name. My arms aching to hold you and my lips to kiss your sweet little cheeks.

And now, 366 days later, I am at a loss for words. Nothing seems right as many times as I rewrite this.

Just know my sweet little man how very thankful I am to be your mommy and so happy we got you. You are perfect in every way and I can't imagine a life without you Finley Asiimwe. I love you to the moon and back little man. Happy one year and a day of being our son.

Hugs and kisses.

Mommy

Finn around the house

2011-06-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

Hugs and Love!

The rocking chair

2011-05-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

From this morning, my sweet boy.

I woke up last mothers day and daddy was all about getting me out of bed and into the living room. I wanted to roll over and sleep some more. Covers up to my chin. Watch a good movie, maybe some coffee in bed, pretty please?

When I finally meandered out, tired and needing coffee desperately, there was the most beautiful rocking chair I'd ever seen waiting for me. From daddy, for you, our future baby. The rocking chair I'd been eyeing for months. Dreaming of for countless hours. The note attached read "you're going to be a great mom." And yes, I'm pretty sure I cried when I read that.

I was happy that day with your daddy, eating a cheese picnic on the living room floor, but I was sad I was missing that day with you. I was sad because you weren't there to cuddle with us. Because I couldn't hold you. And, as much as I knew I should embrace the todays, I couldn't wait for next year.

Last year I had a rocking chair.

This year I have a baby boy to rock in it.

So thankful for you my little man. I love you to the moon and back.

xxoo

* we spent today doing laundry, but we were together, which is the very best way to spend a day. *

Half a year.

2011-04-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Six months. Half a year. 27 weeks. Zillions of good morning kisses. Hundreds of tears I finally got to wipe away. Two airplanes ride across oceans with you on my lap. Kissing your sweet little curls. A new country to adjust to. You in my arms.

Six months, and one day.

Today marks the day that we've had you one day longer then we were without you. You've been in our arms more then you were alone. You've been rocked to bed and kissed goodnight and tucked in one day longer then you weren't. And I'm so very thankful for today. I've been counting down the moments until I could say this, because for some reason, unexplanable to even myself, today was of upmost importance. It marks a milestone in your life my sweet baby boy. A milestone I am so blessed to say I got to be apart of.

Today I have held you for six months and one day. Half a year. And I love you a zillion times more now then I did the moment I heard you were mine. How, I'm not sure, but it is the absolute, complete, truth. I love you more each second, each minute. How my heart won't burst by the time you are five I'm not sure. Your my little man, my morning sunshine, my kiss goodnight.

You are my I love you. And I'm so glad your my son.

Kisses.

Mommy

2011-03-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

Baby boy is 11 months already.

{{and somehow, I find myself loving him more every day.}}
♥

I love you to the moon and back little man.

Hugs and kisses.

The trip to Finley {in photos} Part 4.

2011-02-25T22:24:00.000-08:00

The trip to Finley {in photos} Part 3.

2011-02-25T22:17:00.000-08:00

The trip to Finley {in photos} Part 2.

2011-02-25T22:09:00.000-08:00

The Nile.

The trip to Finley {in photos} Part 1.

2011-02-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

The trip to Mbarara for court

10 months

2011-02-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Finley,

Today you are ten months old! Which means we have held you in our arms for four months today. I can't believe it has only been four months since I first kissed your little cheeks and stared into your beautiful little face. Four months since we became a family, you daddy and I. Four months seems like such a small timeto me... it feels like you have been with us forever. I can't imagine life without you.

Everyday I wake up thinking that it can't get any better then the day before and you prove me wrong. Your such a happy little man and daddy and I love you to peices. You'll be scooting around, busy playing and then all of a sudden your on my lap, giving me kisses for no reason at all.... and I melt all over again. I am so thankful you are my son.

Happy ten month birthday handsome boy. I love you to the moon and back.

Mommy

Finley 9 months. {give or take...}

2011-01-31T17:58:00.000-08:00

Love those cheeks.

Love my baby.

Love my boys.

xxoo

A sailboat

2010-12-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Finley,
It's that time of year again.

The stores are crowded with people and when we go outside for walks we have to layer you up. Your little self is still used to Ugandan weather and so it's taking a little getting used to, this take your breath away chill in the air. I bundle you in hats and coats and kiss your freezing cold cheeks as we run our errands. Baby on my hip. Smile on my face. You make me so happy Finley. It takes a lot longer running errands with you, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Last year I remember getting ready for Christmas and having a lump in my throat the whole time. Being on the edge of tears for reasons I couldn't explain in a sentence. I would wrap a present and think of you. Make cookies and wonder where you were. What you were doing that very instant. What name we would name you when you were with us.

It was only a few days until Christmas and suddenly I realized I had to get you your first ornament. I felt like such a bad mommy that I hadn't thought of it before. Even though you wouldn't be physically with us that year, you were being carried in my heart. each. and. every. day.

And so, all of a sudden, I threw myself into searching. It's all I could think about. I had to find you the perfect ornament. And then, finally I found it.

This year I didn't even have to think about what to get you for your first year with us. It was there in front of me, and it was perfect. A little sailboat made out of fabric for the little man who came all the way from across oceans to be with us. Our beautiful little man. Our Finley Asiimwe.

A few days ago we laid under the Christmas tree and I taught you how to stare up at the pretty lights and ornaments like me and my daddy used to do.

And even though your little, you marveled.

You would look at the tree, look at me, and put your little finger back in your mouth, content to just stare. Pressing our heads together, we laid side by side. My arm around you. Both of us staring up. Enchanted. Enjoying the simpleness of life. We laid there until it was your bedtime and I had to pull you away. I love making memories. And even though you may be too young to remember it, that night will always be one of my favorites.

I am so thankful for you Finley and everything you bring to your daddy and my life. We couldn't ask for a better Christmas present this year then you. We love you more then you know little man and I am so so happy and honored that God chose you to be our son. You are perfect to us in every single way.

I love you to the moon and back.

Mommy

Thankful for...

2010-11-25T11:31:00.000-08:00

my favorite boys.

that we're together for Thanksgiving.

For food on our tables.

and a Christmas tree waiting to be decorated.

Belly laughs.

The smell of cinnamon.

Milky baby breath.

Cuddling on the couch.

Christmas music.

Family near us and family far.

Baby kisses.

Happy Thanksgiving.

A picture is worth a 1000 words

2010-11-18T16:17:00.000-08:00

me and baby. nile river. 2010.

Happiness here it comes

2010-11-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

We are descending.
Out the window I glimpse the brilliant city of San Francisco stretching out below us.
And then the plane turns and there is a flash of blue sky.
The wheels come out, squeaky and loud. Finley looks up at me with his big wide eyes.
I assure him it's okay, and he proceeds to suck his little finger.
He lays his other hand atop mine.
The wheels of the plane touch the ground just as I rest my chin on his head.

"Welcome to America my little man"

Torn as I could be...

2010-11-13T14:26:00.000-08:00

As we walk towards the plane, I am struck with a thought.
Remember this moment.
And for a second I am torn. My heart feels like it is ripping.
We are leaving Africa.
I search the horizon.
I take deep breaths of the Ugandan air. Breathing it in.
I try to understand what this moment means to my son.
We are leaving his country, taking him to his new home.
I start to get choked up.
Blinking back tears.
Heart in my throat.
We are going home.
Home.
I want to give hugs to the ticket agents. The flight attendants. The pilot.
Anyone and everyone involved with getting us on that plane.
We are going home.
Home to the US.
Home to daddy.
I don't think it's possible to feel as many emotions that I am feeling right now...
as I climb the steps I am trying to memorizing the feelings I am feeling.
Trying to remember this moment for my son who won't be able to remember it.
The happiness. The fears.
Clutching him to me as I step on to the platform. I look one more time over my shoulder.
and I whisper goodbye to the night.

Mangos and fields of sugar cane.

2010-11-06T04:07:00.000-07:00

Baby is sleeping beside me in an afternoon slumber. The fan is creaking back and forth and it looks like it is going to rain outside. Far across the ocean, husband man is at our house. It is night time in California and I'm sure he is sleeping right now, cuddled up with our pups.
I miss him being beside me.
But all in all, I am content with where I am.

I fall more in love with Uganda each and every day I spend here. Beans and chipotis. The greenery surrounding the city. The dark red dirt. Banana plantations. Bodas. The Ugandan people and their hearts and ready smiles.

I love how when I say that my baby's name is Asiimwe they say "ohhhh that is a good name" and give me ten different things it means. All similar, and wonderful just the same. Asiimwe. From western Uganda. Thanks to God.

{could anything be more perfect?}

I am in love with the fog that blankets the city in the mornings. The rain that comes, without fail, every afternoon. The laundry hanging on the clothes line.The nile river. Monkeys running past us. Mangos. Fields of sugar cane. Orange fanta.

I am content here.
I am happy.

19 days

2010-11-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Finley,

It's been nearly 3 months since we found out you were ours.

and 21 days ago we boarded a plane to Africa. Heading straight to you. and I've got to tell you little man, we couldn't get there fast enough.

19 days ago we bumped along a dirt road. Toto was on the radio, singing his song about Africa. I remember hearing it as I looked out the window, taking in the lush Ugandan scenery, and smiling. Thinking how very fitting it was. My hands were tingling as they always do when I'm nervous and I kept forcing myself to take deep breaths. Stealing glances at your daddy. Wondering if he was as nervous as I was.

Yes my son, it's been 19 day since the very first time I saw you in person. You cried the first time you laid eyes on your daddy and I. But then, then we held you, and you stared at us. Big big eyes. Tiny little baby. Our baby.

It was surreal really, that first day with you. We were so exhausted from our flights, and yet so over the moon excited to have you in our arms. We got back to our room and laid on the bed, your daddy, you and me. We stared at each other. We traced your fingers and toes. Daddy pointed your birthmarks out to me first. The one on your knee. The scar behind your ear.
We laid there together the remainder of the afternoon.
Getting to know each other.
Learning about you.
Falling more in love with every passing second.

... that first night with you daddy and I barely slept at all. I would open my eyes and find your daddy already watching you sleep. Our eyes would meet over your little sleeping body and we would smile in the dark at each other. Catching each others hand. Whispering about how perfect you are, and oh my goodness, we have a baby.

It's been 19 days since then and it's not becoming any less like a dream. You are perfect to your daddy and I and we love you so so very much.

Hugs and kisses my love.

Mommy.

Straight in a straight line running {to you..}

2010-10-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

“Fly me away on an aeroplane

high in the sky…

….miles and miles of sun

endless roads

twist on”

Our bags our packed and sitting by the door and my stomach is a bunch of knots in nervous anticipation. We’ve been waiting for this day for so long.

So so long.

My hands are tingling and at any moment I might burst into tears in between the smile that I can’t seem to wipe from my face. It’s a flurry of excitement, a rewriting of todo lists. Checking and double checking we have everything we need. Today, husband man and I are heading out on a trip that will ultimately change our lives.

Tomorrow we will arrive in Uganda, Africa. We will be picked up by a dear man named Godfrey whom we love even though we have never met him. And then, then.

Then, tomorrow afternoon, Godfrey will take us to meet our son.

Finley Lane.

I keep trying to picture what it will be like to meet him in person. How he will feel in my arms.

I can’t seem to think straight and my heart is running a million miles a minutes.

We are so excited and nervous and happy…

there are simply no words for this feeling I have right now.

We're coming sweet baby boy. Mommy can't wait to finally hold you in these arms of mine. I love you bunches.

2010-10-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Finn,
It is Wednesday.
Which means we leave for Uganda in four days time.
Five nights until I kiss your sweet face.
Five afternoons I must distract myself.
And then, then my dear sweet one, you will be in our arms.
I will cover you with kisses from head to toe.
We will rock you to sleep that night.
I will fight your daddy to hold you. All. day. long.
You will steal our hearts and it will be like you were always with us.
We will be three.
Perfect. Complete.

I had stopped keeping track of how long we had left because I couldn't think of anything else.
So I made a resolution to finish my projects and then I could daydream as much as I fancied.
It lasted for about a day.
In the end, I always find myself right back where I started, staring off into the distance.
Catching a glance at a calendar.
Counting down in my head.

Dreaming of you.

I love you my little man.
Your daddy and I are coming for you just as fast as we can.
Much love.
Mommy

2010-10-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Finn,
My heart is aching for you tonight.
I long to hold you in my arms.
Cuddle you close to my chest.
Wrap a blanket around us both and just stare into your eyes.
Get to know each other over.
I am missing you tonight and just thought you should know.
No matter where you are right now, mommy is thinking of you.
Carrying your heart with me.
{& counting down the days. }
I love you my sweet boy.
xxoo

No words

2010-10-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

We have a photo of our little man.

And, why yes, he is perfect in every possible way.

I can't wait to show you all his beautiful little face.

However, until he is legally ours, I can't.

But I can tell you, we have named him.

{and announced it}

our sons name is

Finley Lane

04.15.10

Dear Finley,
Words can't even express the feeling I had when I first saw your little face. It was mixture of emotions all at once, I was choking, sobbing, hysterical, happy. And I kept saying over and over "oh he's beautiful. he's prefect. he's beautiful. Can you believe how beautiful he is?" to your daddy over the phone.
He, of course, was just in awe of you as I was at that moment.
There were simply, no words.
It was love in an instant.

I had wanted to be with your daddy when we got your picture, but instead I was at an exit off the 5 in route to Los Angeles. We had known we might, possibly, hopefully get a picture of you the night before, and we didn't sleep a wink as I kept checking my phone over and over.
But in the morning there was no picture.
Again.
I waited as long as I could that morning before leaving, hoping we would get the email before I left. But ten in the morning came and went and I had to get on the road to make it to my shoot that evening.

I was talking to your great grandma Bonnie and lost my signal as I pulled in. I wasn't surprised as I always, never failing, lose signal at that exit. Getting out of the car, I started to pump gas. It was quite still and there was a chill in the air.
I remember being happy in that moment.
And then, then, my phone showed up that I had a message from your foster dad.
I almost died on the spot.
Even though I knew that there was no signal at that exit, I was trying so hard to see if I had enough to get your daddy on the phone.
And I did.
We lost each other a few times, but finally I pulled to the edge of the lot where I could get two bars of signal.
And together we opened your picture at the same time.
The people walking their dogs stared at me in my car.
I'm sure I was a sight.
Crying hysterics.
Gasping for breath.
Staring at my phone.
Your little face on my screen.
So so happy.

You my dear son are perfect in every way possible.
I have counted your fingers and traced your face twenty million times already.
I am counting down the days until I can count your fingers and toes in person.
Twelve days.
Twelve days until my arms no longer ache for you.
Twelve days until I can finally whisper in your ear.
Twelve days until I get to kiss your sweet little cheeks.
October 17th can't come fast enough.

Hugs and kisses.

Mommy

We’ll fly to distant clouds where it’s just you and me

2010-09-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby,

Are you ready my little man? Is there a ladybug on your shoulder? Can you feel the change about to happen as you are fed and dressed for the day? Are the birds singing differently this morning? Is the sun a bit brighter? Is there a chill in the air?

Oh how I wish I could be there.

I imagine that the Sister's are telling you they'll miss your belly laugh and whispering goodbyes into your ears. After all, you are the most handsomest baby they've ever laid eyes on. Of this I am sure. And I am even more certain they will be a sad that you are leaving, sweet little Joseph Asiimwe. Thanks to God. They will hold you a bit tighter before they lay you back down and give you an extra kiss.

It is a bittersweet day for all of us.

Of this I am also sure.

Today a car will be arriving at your orphanage. It will probably be dusty from it's long journey, and there will most defiantly be a commotion as they gather you up, wrapping you in blankets as you are brought outside. And then dear Asiimwe, then you will be handed to the gentlest of mans, and he will smile at you and make sure you are set to leave. He will make you take a photo with Sister Edwina for me if she will have it. I ask him to take a few photos just in case we don't get there. I want you to know where you came from and the faces of the ladies who loved you before we could. {although, truth be told we were loving you from way before you were ever even born.

But still.

Still. }

Where was I? Oh yes, after the pictures you will load into a car and you will travel for a very long time. You will probably be a little sad to be leaving sweet Sister Edwina and the only home you have known. I am sure that you will miss her and your poor little heart will probably ache and you won't know what's happened to you.... so, while you travel I want you to know sweet little baby that your mommy is praying for you. Wishing I could be there and help ease the hurt you are feeling.

I highly doubt I will sleep a wink all night long wondering how you are doing with the move.

I hope, even though you are little, somewhere in your heart that you know there is a good reason for the transfer. I don't want you to be scared for even a moment and it's killing me that I can't be there to hold you and cuddle you on the trip to Kampala. You'll see soon that everything happens for a reason. You journey will take you to be with your foster family and there you will live in their little home waiting for us to come and get you. This little trip is making your daddy and I one step closer to Uganda. One step closer to you.

Hugging you.

Kissing you.

Loving you.

Be brave little man. I love you bunches.

You have my heart.

Mommy

Q is for queen...

2010-09-08T18:39:00.001-07:00

Dear Baby Q,

Today mommy bought you the most darling print to hang above your crib. I'm a bit in love with it and I think you will be too. Q for queen. Who wouldn't be in love with that?

Happy so happy.

It's a bit blustery cold in the east bay today. There is a cold front coming in of some sorts so the skies are grey and the trees look like they may bend in half.

It's the kind of day for cuddling.

If you were here I would wrap you up in a big blanket and we'd sit on the couch together.

Side by side.

You and I and daddy.

We'd wrap our arms around you and gaze into your dark eyes.

Kissing your forehead.

I'd give you a bottle and daddy and I would sip on tea.

We'd watch a movie together. And if you fell asleep on me I wouldn't move for fear of waking you up.

We'd cuddle the day away.

.sigh.

..but since you aren't with me here, instead I ran errands this afternoon because I needed to mail off a few packages and buy things for dinner. {Potato soup if your wondering} And whilst I was running errands I {not so by} accidentally went to the grocery store by way of the street that takes me past the antique store ... Hm.

... I haven't been in there in forever and I was dying to know if the little tin truck I had seen many moons ago, {before we even knew you were a he} was still there. It wasn't, but I think I may have found an ever better treasure. I got you two vintage books on cowboys and Indians. They are the cutest books with the most amazing drawings from the 50s. Daddy was super excited when he saw them. We're going to scan them in and frame a few for your room when your older....

Also, this week we found out that Nurse Edwina says we can move you on the 16th or 17th of September to Kampala. Even though it's way past September 1st, at least now it isn't that far away....

I'm dying to see a picture of your little face and finally speak the name we think is yours out loud. One week.

And just so you know, and don't ever doubt it, I'm so happy I have a little man. I'm so happy your my son.

I love you baby.

xxoo

Mommy

2010-08-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby Q,

We went to Santa Barbara over the weekend to play with your Padrino Erik and Nina D, and while we were there your daddy and I bought you a beautiful fern to sit atop your dresser. It's a lovely little thing.

We've named her Lou.

I was a bit obsessed with getting you a dresser last week. It was all I could think about. So get you a dresser we did.

It's vintage and beautiful, but also way bigger then I was imagining. We had to rearrange the furniture in our room a bit and move your rocking chair to the living room, but in the end I am very pleased with how it worked out.

The dresser has five drawers and each one is big. There is enough room for your socks and diapers and onesies in the top two drawers and the bottom three are big enough for your clothing from when you get home til your a toddler. It clean and simplistic so it's prefect for our home. Perfect for you.

And now mommy is spending all her free time folding your little shirts and pants and putting them away. Of course I still pull them out and look at them every chance I get...

... I try to imagine you in them, in our room. Cuddling with you. Rocking you. Putting you to sleep. Jumping on the bed...

{{I can't wait til your home with us. We miss you so much. }}

In other news, mommy has been searching for some cute little things for you. My current obsession? Crib sheet and bumper fabric. I'm going to have your Grandma make them for me.

Loving the lions...

but the circus is so darling too...

I can't wait to meet you my little one.

I think about you always.

I carry you in my heart.

xxoo

Mommy

Throw the clocks away and run into the street

2010-08-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Dear baby,
Today I was talking on the phone to your Mimi and Aunty Em{they're still trying to guess the name we think will be yours. Relentless.} and, as they were guessing and we were chatting about you, all of a sudden I realized what day it is.
I thought it was mid August.
Or the 20th at latest.
I still thought we had a few weeks to wait. And I was okay with that.
But no, it's the 25th of August.
Meaning in a week they will move you to your foster home...
A week baby.
A week.
{!!}
..and shortly after that, we will get a picture of you, our sweet little man.
And then we'll be able to finally name you.

...And when people ask if we have children I'll be able to show off your picture.
Oh hold on while I whip out an iphone album.
Why yes, he does have his mommy's eyes.
And I'll beam.
So proud to call you my son.
So proud to be your mommy.

I love you my sweet asiimwe. ♥

xxoo

Take all the time lost {and give it back to you}

2010-08-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby Q,

It finally looks like we have found you a family to stay with when you transfer to Kampala. Mommy is thrilled. And, why yes, I did start packing a care package to send to you as soon as I heard.
I can't wait to see a photo of you. Your dark chocolate eyes.
Dimples? Perhaps.
Dying to see you in person. Heart overflowing.
Spit up. Tantrums. Sleepless nights. Dirty diapers. Terrible twos.
Bring it.

And Sister Edwina baby? She was oh so sweet and even answered a few questions about you although we had a hard time understanding each other..
We woke up at six in the morning to call her. Ry cleared his throat, and I fully sat up in bed. Covers pulled around me.
We were a bit groggy. She answered. Agreed to moving you to Kampala. With lots of mmmmm's for good measure.
I pictured an older Aunt Elizabeth in a Nun's habit. Kind eyes. Soft heart.
We asked if you were healthy and she said yes.
You were brought to the home at two weeks old.
{Which was in April? So maybe your littler then we thought.} !!
We ask if there was anything else she could tell us about you...
pause.
"What do you want to know?"
and so we ask what we are dying to know, are you happy? {not fussy vs an "easy baby" but honestly, really truly happy.}
And she giggled and said "he's a baby!" as if, duh, of course he's happy. Which makes your mommy very happy in return.
I can't help smiling about it every time I think of you. And her laugh makes me feel like you are safe and loved.
I'm dying to know if you have a head of hair or if you have dimples. I would love to meet Sister Edwina. Give her a big hug. Try and thank her.
You are happy.
Happy.

I've been searching high and low for a dresser for you all this last week. I don't know why I'm so distracted by such a simple thing, but I think I'm nesting a bit. Trying to prepare for you coming home to us. I think that I think {in my sub conscious of course} if we get your little space ready you'll come home that much sooner.
I know it's not true but it makes me feel calmer planning.
And I'm crossing my fingers in may work.
{plus, washing and folding your little clothes? Dying to start.}

I love you. I can't wait to hold you.

Mommy

I don't know what day it is. I had to check the paper.

2010-08-16T23:04:00.001-07:00

Dear Baby,
I'm buying minutes on Skype right now. In about an hour we're going to call Ilbanda and Sister Edwina. She's your nurse and we must ask permission to transfer you to a new home in Kampala so you are that much closer to coming home to us. We're a bit nervous about calling her. The language barrier is one thing, but also, she knows you. All day long I've been wondering if it will be an abrupt phone call. Or will she tell us a bit about you? I can only hope.
I'm dying to know more about you. To know you have a son, but know very little about him is a strange feeling. It makes me sad.
I'm dying to see your little face. To know whether you are a happy baby. If your healthy. To name you.

I bought you your first pair of shoes today. Okay, to be honest, I bought you your first two paris of shoes. What can I say? They were darling and I couldn't help myself.
I love you baby. And your going to look oh so cute in your new shoes.
Love your mommy

Your new shoes

"All this time we were waiting for each other, all this time I was waiting for you.."

2010-08-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

It's a boy.

He is five months old.

And his given name {from the orphanage} is Asiimwe Joseph.

My dear sweet baby boy,

As your sleeping, across the ocean, do you know how much your loved right now?
Can you feel it from that far away?
I so badly hope with all my heart that last night someone whispered in your little ear and told you that you had a family.
That you can feel the difference in your heart too.
Your daddy and I are no longer two, but three. And we, my son are a family.

Do you understand how many people are dying to meet you? It's so crazy to me the emails and letters and calls pouring in today. Family and friends and even perfect strangers sharing in our celebration day. Crying with us. The happiness. The oh-my-goodness-when-do-you-get-to-go-get-him?
They're as anxious as we are.
And we haven't even been granted our adoption yet or met you or seen a picture ...
Can you imagine the party that we'll throw when your finally here in our arms?
There are so so many people who are out there praying and wishing you home with us.
And it's a bit overwhelming to feel so much love. But we are so very thankful for it.

We took pictures last night after we found out you were ours.
They are terrible pictures.
Our eyes are closed, and I'm in pajama's.
But we're beaming.
And crying.
And happy. So very very happy.

One of the biggest questions we've been asked is if we have a picture of you yet... and while we have yet to see your little face, there is no denying you are the one we have been waiting for.

Your given middle name is your daddy's middle name. And your first name? It means thanks to God. So appropriate I couldn't help but cry when I heard the translation.

..I can't believe this whole time I was waiting for you, anxious to get you home, and you weren't even born yet.
When I bought you lots of Christmas ornaments last year because you had to have one for every year, I only had to buy one in reality...
..what will I do with all the others I wonder?

I can't believe you will be so little.
You will spend your first Christmas with us.
How is that even possible?
I will get to see your first step. So many milestones I was prepared to miss.
But I get to be there now. Holding your hand along the way.

Last night after our family calls had been made, daddy and I couldn't go to bed yet. We were to excited. To anxious and nervous. To many thoughts running through our head.
We kept looking at each other, getting a half crazy grin and whispering over and over.
"We have a baby. Your a dad. I'm a mom. We. have. a. baby!"

And so we bought you your first {two} we-just-found-out-your-our-son presents. They're rather darling and I've been dying to buy both but was waiting until I knew you for sure were a he...

I love you my sweet little man. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet head.

Sweet dreams.

Your Mommy

And......

2010-08-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

It's a boy.
Happy dance around our house.
Late night phone calls to those we love. Not caring if their sleeping.
It's the night we have been waiting for for 10 months.
Pop that champagne!
Can't stop smiling.
We have a baby!!!!!!

And, it's a boy.

I'm a mommy. He's a daddy. And we are now a family.

Waiting was never my strong point

2010-08-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby,

It's about time. That's all I'm sayin'.

I miss you. I love you. I can't wait to meet you.

Mommy

Eye candy

2010-07-30T16:09:00.001-07:00

{{Drooling over here, so I thought I would share the prettiness. }}

...today, my friend Ashley {who I share a love of sending pretty things to look at back and forth with} sent me a new site I've never been to.

It's truly a knitted wonderland...

These are rattles... {I mean, how much cuter can you get?} I need.

..and this lovely. So perfection that as soon as I saw it I was whipping out my little savings jars for baby and counting pennies trying to figure out how I could buy it..

like, I want it for my room.

{Swoon. }

...in love with the fabric I found. It has little camera's on it. {I must own a yard and find something to do with it... I'm thinking a pillow for babies rocking chair..? }

Echino Fabric

and lastly, I am loving this cloth tool set for a little guy.

Under the Nile

Dear Baby,

I am forever thinking of you. When it is night here I wonder what you are doing in your daytime. I wait for an email with a picture of you. I dream of what you will look like and what name will fit you.

I can't wait to meet you and hold you. I don't think I will ever be able to put you down once I hold you in my arms.

I can't wait to rock you in your rocking chair and have you fall asleep in my arms.

I'm missing you. I'll love you always.

Hugs.

Mommy

Tonight

2010-07-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

I dream of an email.
I think of you.
My heart is aching. literally.
I try to distract myself.
But,
..my heart is with you.
Always.

Kisses munange omuto.

Mommy

Truth

2010-07-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

‎

“...orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.

They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.

It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms...

.... but once you do, everything changes.

So when you & I hear staggering numbers & statistics about the poor & needy around us & around the world, we have a choice.
We can switch the channels on our mega T.V’s and continue our comfortable, untroubled, ordinary, church-going lives as if the global poor don’t exist.

We can let these numbers remain cold, distant, and almost imaginary....

Or we can open our eyes and our lives to the realities that surround us and begin considering the faces that are represented by these numbers.”

-David Platt

Uganda, the pearl of Africa.

2010-07-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

Today, I spent the later part of the afternoon googling maps of Uganda.
As the sun sank in the sky and the afternoon breeze started to blow, I searched the internet.
Discovering.
Trying to get a feel for what the country as a whole looks like, not just the small part of it we traveled though last time.
I worked on saying the names of the towns. Learned what villages are west, north and south of Kampala.
Got my bearings.
Researched.
And, in the midst of learning more about Uganda, I began to fall more in love with the country...

As dinner bubbled over on the stove, I went to The Lonely planet .
I selected my continent of choice.
Region.
& Country.
I started on history, then went to pictures. {I am a photographer after all! }
and if I wasn't head over heels in love with my sweet babies country before seeing the pictures I found, {which I most positively was}
I definitely am now.

Uganda is said to be the pearl of Africa. And I would argue anyone who doubts me.

{And hippos?} Swoon.

It's been a secret wish of mine for awhile now, but I desperately want to be able to see a bit more of the country then last time when we travel again.
I would love to be able to tell my baby of their country. Firsthand.
Show them pictures we took. Hang those pictures in their bedroom.
Truly understand their culture.

{{and someday, when they are older and can understand it all, I want to take baby back, so they can fall in love with Africa for themselves }}

And now, a few pictures I found of the beloved country.

{{Go ahead...I dare you not to fall a bit in love. ..}}

Mt Baker {from Irene lakes}

Sipi Trail, Mt Elgon National Park.

Dugout canoes at market

Above Murchison Falls

And to my darling sweets,

I love you. I think of you often. And soon, so very soon, I shall hold you in my arms and cover you with kisses.

xxoo

In my heart.

2010-07-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings

...

2010-07-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

I try and image what it will be like when I get that email.
Will I be awake, refreshing my inbox. Over and over.
Or will I wake from a slumber to an email about you.
Will I be alone or will your daddy be beside me?

I try and image how I will feel when I see your picture for the very first time.
Put a face to the child of my heart.
Will I cry? Will I even be able to speak a single word? But mostly I wonder whether I will know.
My heart whispering that you are mine.

I try and image the call to your grandparents, aunts and uncles. The joy.
We have a baby. A baby!

I think of getting on an airplane to meet you. Fidgeting with the seatbelt. Staring out the window into the black night.
The nervousness.
The hurry up and just get me there already feeling.
The hours it will take.
I am sure I won't sleep a wink... but dear baby, I will be dreaming the entire flight.

I wonder how I will feel when our plane finally lands in Entebbe. A rush of emotions. A swirl of thoughts.
I think of how it will be when I get in that taxi that will take me to Kampala. To you.
I try and imagine what it will be like when I am on African soil again, the lush landscape rushing by.
Getting to the hotel.
Arriving at the orphanage.
The boda not stopping fast enough. Wanting to jump off and run the rest of the way..

I try and imagine the feeling of seeing my dreams finally taking shape.
All the countless nights of wondering about you.
Thinking of you. Dreaming of you.
Finally here.
In person.
Before me.
My darling sweet baby who I have waited so long for.
But, will you be waiting for me? Will you know that it is me, your mommy who has waited for you, and prayed for you and dreamed of you for so long?

I try to imagine that feeling of seeing you, little you, in person for the very first time.
Your skin dark and warm, your eyes soft and sweet. Our baby. Our baby.
My arms dying to hold you. My heart overflowing.
Will you come to me?

I try and imagine holding you in my arms. Wrapping you up. Holding ever so tightly.
Never wanting to let you go.
People say there is no love at first sight. I will know them to be wrong on that day. For even though I know little now, I do know, without a doubt, that on that day I will love you like nothing else.
And very much in love with you I will be.
It will be a love at first sight.
First glance.
First thought even.
For even though I do not know you, I love you.
{and as the days pass, I will only, always, love you more. }

I think of our first full day together. Will I read to you?
Will we play? Sing songs?
Will I rock you to sleep when the day closes?
Will I even be able to put you down ? Ever?

I think of the feeling I will get when we go to court. Imagine the judge before us. The questions.
I try and imagine the utter elation when we get your visa in our hands. I come up at a loss.
Thankfulness.
Love.
Happiness that can't be contained.
Tears.

I think of your plane ride home to your new home. Will I be with you or will daddy be bringing you to me?
And if I am having to wait at the airport, I think of how I will wait.
I will be there hours before the plane is to arrive. Just in case.
Scanning the crowds. Standing on my tiptoes. Searching for my loves.
Ready and waiting to cover you both in kisses.

I think of getting you home to our house. Tucking you into bed.
Covers to your chin, teddy on your right.
Kissing your little eyelids as you slumber.
Listening to your steady breathing.
Thankful. So very thankful.

....and someday my dear sweet one, i will try and imagine our life without you. And I will be at a loss.
For there was no life before you I am sure.
You are my little one and I am your mommy.

Hopefully waiting.

Your Mommy

2010-06-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby,

Today I am wishing for you more then normal.
I so badly want to know what your little face looks like.
Have you on my lap. Count your fingers and toes. Rock you to sleep.

I want to know how your little arms around my neck feel.
If you were here with me now, I would sit and memorize every detail of your tiny face.
I would teach you how to give butterfly kisses.
I would tell you I love you a million times a day.
I would hold you in my arms as you sleep.
Rocking back and forth.
Drinking in the moment.
Not believing it was finally here.
I would hold you all afternoon, watching your deep slow breathing as you sleep on my chest.

Some people may think I am spoiling you.

But I'm not.

I am making up for lost time.

I wouldn't sleep for the first week back I am sure.
I would be too fearful to wake up and find that it all was a dream.
I have dreamed of you often my dear sweet one.

We have fun together you and I.
Your laugh is intoxicating.
Your arms are short and chubby.
And you give the best hugs.

I love you more each day. And we are coming oh so soon to get you. I can't wait to meet you.

xxoo.

Mommy

In love.

2010-06-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

For a sweet baby girl...

{all the numbers}

And, the crib we will get baby if baby is a baby. It folds up for easy storage, so our little room won't be all squished with furniture.

..Plus, I mean, common, it comes in green...

{Bloom baby}

....dying over these shoes my friend Ashley found...

{Gracious May}

...and the bed our boys will sleep in when they're older? This. What little man hasn't dreamed of sleeping in a treehouse?

{ Life time}

Dear Baby,

I am spending all my time waiting on an email.
Thinking of that email. Willing it to come.

I'm dreaming of you running through the house.

Skin warm from playing in the sun.

Belly laughs.

I'm spending far less of the night sleeping then refreshing my inbox.

Over and over.

And then, it is morning here and night there and a whole new 12 hours of waiting begins.

Thinking of you.

Wishing for you.

Praying you know you are loved.

Because you are.

Oh so much.

....And even though I haven't met you yet my little one, my heart is aching for you.

Don't give up. Mommy is coming for you as soon as I can.

Hugs.

Crushing on..

2010-06-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

For baby boy...

Have to have this ...

and, for my sweet baby girl.. I adore this.

....and just because, sometime you have to be reminded to shut off the computer and soak up today..

I have like 20 prints I want to buy from her. I think I may be running out of wall space...

Still waiting over here in the east bay for word on our baby...

but, for today, there may just be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel..

and that glimmer, it gives me hope.

xxoo

I love.

2010-06-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

2010-06-08T21:18:00.001-07:00

I see the moon
The moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love...

Over the mountains
Over the sea
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love..

2010-05-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

Adopt. You will receive more then you can ever give.

xoxo

Today..

2010-05-18T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I miss Africa.
I miss Sanyu.
The babies.
I just want to hug and kiss and love on them all. Whether or not they are to be mine. Whisper in their ears that they are loved. And beautiful. So very beautiful.

I want to be walking the dusty streets of Kampala with Em by my side. Certain they think we're locals.
I want to be in Ssenge.
Watching the boys play football in the yard.
Helping plant hundreds and hundreds of little trees.
Hot. Tired. Thirsty.
But happy...
...so so very happy.

{{It's the little things.}}

I want to ride a boda boda again. Hair in the wind. Drinking in the sights.

I want to be in a country I love. A country that has affected me. That is in my blood.

I want to hug Abbey and Jess and tell them how much I look up to them for what they are doing.
Because really, they are amazing. And they are changing the world.

I want to take pictures that show the beauty that is Uganda. The pearl of Africa.
I want to go to the Nile. and take even more pictures. Document it all.
I want to be immersed in the country that is my baby's homeland.
I want to discover as much as I can about my baby's heritage and the history of Uganda.

I want to sit in the dusk of the evening and listen to the boys band play their trumpets.
Amazed at their smiles. Their life. Their happiness.
I want to truly find an appreciation for matoke. And how to make it for my little one.
I want to sleep under a mosquito net at night...
...and listen to the gonging of the bells in the early morning.

My heart is not here today. It is there.
I am hopeful.
Patient.
Waiting...

Sitting, waiting, wishing...

2010-05-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Waiting for a email from the orphanage director.
Checking flight prices for next week, and the next.. and the next...
Googled the date the court closes in Uganda.
And reopens. {But can't find info on either...}
Feeling a bit hopeless. The chances of us having our baby by Thanksgiving is slowly closing.

It's been a year since we first went to Uganda and made the decision to adopt our firstborn.
....and seven months since we started the process.

I know it'll all fall into place and we'll get the perfect baby for us.
But I want a baby now.
Like right now. Not tomorrow. Today.

Just keeping it real.

Crushing..

2010-05-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Still no news on baby. Still nothing to report. So, since all our paperwork is done for now, and all we're waiting on is a fingerprinting appointment and a email from Africa.. I wait. {{and search for things to buy baby...}}

So far, today I have fallen in love with this print:

...these stuffed lovable's..

Noticing a common theme? Yellow is simply irresistible to me this week.

But, I am also loving this print from Sarah Jane... {{and there is no yellow in sight!}} It's called Take me for a walk. Love love LOVE it!

And as for my dear sweet baby so very far away, know that mommy loves you, dreams of you, and is praying you home.

Hugs and kisses.

Bathroom

2010-04-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

Dear baby,
while me and your daddy wait {and wait and wait and wait} to meet you and bring you home, I am making our little apartment home sweet home esk just for you...

We've decorated the living room and the kitchen.. all that's left is what will be your bathroom... and while I don't know whether you'll be a boy or a little lady, I do know that cute is cute no matter what. And so, this is what your bathroom will look like....

The rug:

And these are the fabulous prints I got to hang {{I am head over heals in love}}:

{This one is called Home is where you take it. How darling is that? Because it's true baby, no matter where we live, home will always be where the ones you love are.}

{{From Laura Amiss . Have I explained to you yet the wonders of etsy? I will. And you will love it as much as me...}}

Towels:

and now dear sweet baby, I am on my way to buy paint for the walls cause your daddy says I may paint! One wall is all he says I may cover. {{But what happens if I buy enough for the whole bathroom? Hmmm, we shall see...}}

I love you my sweet baby. And not a day goes by that I don't hope and pray for the day we shall meet. It will be soon. I just know it. I can feel it in my bones. Before you know it I will be giving you bubble baths, and wrapping you in big fluffy towels each night. And, once you are dressed in comfy pajamas with pretty patterns mommy will kiss you from head to toe. I shall read you a bedtime story, {or three, or four} and rock you to sleep in my arms. And then I will kiss you goodnight once more.

In fact baby, I will cuddle you and hug you so much that sometimes you may get sick of it. But just know, I am making up for lost time. I love you.
Kisses.

Today..

2010-04-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

I am crushing on...{{and finding it oh so difficult to concentrate!}}

...custom made families to look like your family. I must admit, I almost died when I found these they are sooo perfect.

Lovin' this art ..

..and wanting very badly a danish modern rocking chair....

{{that I would re fabric in a lovely mustard yellow. perfect for boy or girl, and most importantly my favorite element of a baby room.. perfect for rocking my little one to sleep every night. Perfect for reading stories. Pretty much, perfect in every way.. }}

.sigh.

What are you crushing on today?

Tio and Tia

2010-04-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

Dear baby,

This week you got presents in the mail from your Tio Vince and Tia Riss. {{and in case you didn't know baby, presents in the mail are the very best kind!}} I was going to wait for you to get home before I opened them, but to be honest baby, I couldn't wait. And I'm so glad I didn't. You are going to love them! {{and when you get home I shall wrap all the presents of our I have opened and you'll never know I opened them..until you can read of course...}}

But back to your present baby.. they got you the cutest little elephant and giraffe ever. They are made in Australia, adorable and organic. And even though I have a box in the closet for your things, they are still on the sideboard in the dining room and they may just stay there until you come home to me...they are just too cute to box up.

One last thing baby, we have decided that you and all your cousins will say Tio and Tia instead of Aunt and Uncle. It just sounds so much more endearing to all of us, and we like endearing very very much.. {{I hope you won't mind..}}

I love you baby.

Hugs and kisses,

Mommy

{{your oh so darling presents}} you can purchase here

It will happen

2010-03-31T14:32:00.001-07:00

This is where I want to be right now.
Not yesterday or tomorrow.
Today.
No where else but here.

The swings are my favorite.
I would spend hours swinging babies. Holding them. Tell them they are loved.
Singing twinkle twinkle little star with my sweet Olivia
Tucking Anthony into bed and singing goodnight moon..
Praying for Moses mommy.
Making sure Elizabeth gets to wear a dress. Because it matters to her. and so it matters to me.

Blowing bubbles with Angela. Watching her wonderment.
Hugging Lucas when he cries.
Kissing Raymonds boo boo's better.
Scolding Sharon for eating dirt but laughing at the same time. So beautiful. So independent.

Bringing all the babies from their cribs onto the porch that morning with Em. Finding a blanket and having five babies to watch each. Taking turns holding them. Rubbing their bellies. Hearing them cooing.

Giving the older girls friendship bracelets. Pink and purple and girly.
Stuart. My sweet sweet Stewy. That smile gets me every time.

Wishing I could bring them all home with me.

I.
Miss.
Sanyu,

end of story.

..lions and tigers and bears...

2010-03-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Dear baby,

I found a new set of prints online today {on fabulous etsy} that I will buy if your a wee one. There are pictures of lions and whales and elephants and they are all oh so happy. But the best thing of all baby is that the lion is wearing knee socks.

I'm missing you and I'm wondering how much longer it will be until your in my arms for the first time...

I love you. Don't you ever forget that.

Mommy

...birthday wishes...

2010-03-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

I remember last year on my birthday, me and Ry saying "aww, next year we might be parents.."

and even though we weren't ready to be parents yet, I remember getting teary eyed and wishing so very much that that might be the case.

...and today, it is next year. and even though you are already out there waiting for me, I don't get to celebrate beside me...

All I want to do is see your face, and know the name we will give you...

...Until today, I had forgotten that when I was little I wished for a baby brother on my birthday as I blew out my candles.. and five short little days later we got a call that there was a baby brother waiting for me in Korea...

and so, because of this I bought myself a jumbo pack of birthday candles baby. I'm going to wish on my breakfast that you'll be home soon, my lunch that I'll spend part of April in Uganda. I will blow out candles on my dinner...and my desert. I will be wishing all day that you were here to celebrate with me. I will be praying you home.

and if I'm lucky..

my wish just might come true like it did so many years ago...

{{Me and brother in 1986... he was, without a doubt, my best {late} birthday present..so far...}}

counting...

2010-02-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

It's been 8 months since we were in Africa...
8 months since we fell in love with Sanyu & knew we were to adopt from there..
It's been 6 months since we moved from LA & got a two bedroom place to rent, dreaming of our baby..
5 months ago I started emailing people who had adopted from Uganda recently
& started checking out agencies...
& our parents and families were told they were getting a niece/nephew/grand baby/great grand baby 4 months ago..
3 months ago we finished the applications & started all the paper work...
A month ago we finished meeting with our social worker...
& less then a month ago we found out we're #3 on the waiting list at Sanyu....

...but now there's a hiccup in the road and we're waiting on wording to make sure our home study is perfect...

....and I'm sad. I know technically we only started four months ago, {and goodness knows my friend James has been there four months so really I have nothing to complain about} but it feels like we've been doing this for 8 months. and it just feels long.

I think of my baby every day and hope they are being loved. That someone is tucking them into bed and night and giving their little checks kisses whenever they can...

...and I write new to do lists and buy more things for baby/traveling.

....So, today I searched on peoples blogs and added up how many months it normally takes from beginning to end, paperwork included.

The majority of people's adoptions, from the time they started the paperwork until they're babies were home was eight or nine months. {But there are exceptions.}

One families baby was home in two months. TWO MONTHS...

....but if I am realistic with myself the truth is we probably won't have baby home until around August. And August is so very far away.

Oh baby baby

2010-02-17T12:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,

Today it is almost spring in the east bay. I know the groundhog saw his shadow this winter, but there is no arguing with something that is so plainly there. The birds are singing, the grass is green, and tulips are making their yearly appearance. I took the pups for a short walk this morning, and together we enjoyed the sun. It is a perfect day today baby, and best of all, the tree's are blooming. As you walk by they smell like new beginnings and cherry blossoms, and all I want to do is decorate my house with the smell. It's intoxicating...

... It's a day we would make a picnic and go the park. I'd teach you how to whistle with a blade of grass, and you'd teach me how to think ants are only the coolest thing ever. We'd go get ice cream cones in the evening with daddy and we'd marvel at all the cracks in the sidewalk. I'd share my ice cream cone with you even after you've finished yours, because really, you are to cute to help it. And we would get lots and lots of sprinkles.

...and at bedtime I would put you in footsie pajamas and read you a story. You'll want another of course. Anything to avoid bedtime! But I'll oblige, because really, I'm just so happy your finally home where you belong.

and people will tell me we're spoiling you. But you will know without a shadow of a doubt, that you're loved. So.very.much.

I love you baby. Always and forever.

Mama

P.S. On Monday your Aunt Lyndsie called and told us you were going to have a cousin! A cousin baby! and even though you may not understand it, that is so very exciting. You will have a buddy to play with at thanksgiving and a lifetime friend. Because family is forever.

Present's are my favorite things..

2010-02-10T13:30:00.001-08:00

A few days ago I was able to see one of my favorite people, Shyla and catch up for a few hours over coffee and cookies. It was splendid...and one of my favorite days this month...

..why? {well because I got to see Shyla..}

and, oh yes, because she got baby a present. Although, since baby isn't here yet, it kinda feel's more like the present is for me. Which I'm perfectly okay with. ;)

it's a plate, with a face on it...

so you can play with your food! Seriously, does it get any cuter then this?

I.
don't.
think.
so.

you can buy the fabulous plate here. {but hurry, there's only two left!}
.....

xoxo

Just a day like today

2010-02-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

It's a day that would be so much better with a baby. Cold, rainy, grey. It's a perfect day to snuggle with a little one. Watch Cinderella, big warm blanket, cuddling on the couch. And not changing out of Pajamas for the whole day. It's a day to make cookies together and when we get tired, take an afternoon nap...

it's a day that some would call a bummer, but I call a blessing. A day I would spend getting to know everything about you.

...I'm missing you baby.

Hugs and kisses,

Mommy

2010-02-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

There is some problem's right now with current families trying to bring their babies home from Uganda, I found this article online from a organization that is working in Uganda here so that we can know exactly what is going on and know how to pray..

xoxo

A

UGANDAN NOTICE- 2/5/10

The following information is free to be shared in full, not in part! If you choose to copy and paste, please include the entire notice.

Lifeline is committed to provide timely and accurate information to all of our families in regard to the current situation in Uganda. We have had direct contact with the US Embassy in Uganda and here is what we have learned (anything you may hear beyond what is communicated below is rumor and not based in fact. It is very important that our families know exactly what has happened and what steps are being taken to address the current situation).

On Wednesday, February 3rd, Ms. Sahar Hussain, Vice Consul at the U.S. Embassy Kampala met with Ugandan government officials to discuss adoption in Uganda. During the meeting, Vice Consul was informed that legal guardianship orders issued by the High Court of Uganda are issued with the understanding that American citizens will not adopt the Ugandan children in the U.S. and that the Ugandan children will not change their citizenship.

Part of IR-4 visa eligibility requires that the prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) obtain custody of the child for the purposes of emigration and adoption abroad. While guardianship orders need not contain specific language stating that the guardianship is granted with the court’s understanding that the guardians may depart Uganda with the child in order to complete a full and final adoption abroad, it must at a minimum allow the PAPs to fix the abode of the child. Guardianship orders that merely indicate that the guardians are permitted to travel outside of Uganda with the child and do not permit them to fix the abode of the child would not meet the requirements of U.S. immigration law. We do not have a visa category that would allow PAPs to foster a child in the U.S.

The US Embassy in Uganda is currently working on obtaining official language from the government of Uganda that states explicitly what the legal guardianship order allows. Until that time, petitions filed at the US Embassy with a legal guardianship order will be sent to USCIS as not clearly approvable. This significantly delays the visa process. The US Embassy is suggesting that PAPs wait until their office has received this official correspondence from the government of Uganda before making any travel plans or beginning the court process with a Ugandan attorney. The US Embassy in Uganda is sending diplomatic notes to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Justice on Constitutional Affairs to request a clear definition of what the legal guardianship order states.

The US Embassy gave us the following three options for PAP’s:

(1) Request that the PAPs attorney ask the judge to put language in the adoption order that says the PAP will be allowed to travel to the U.S. to adopt the Uganda child and that that child may change citizenship, or at the minimum state that the PAP may “fix the abode” of the child. This would allow the Embassy to process IR4 immigrant visas which may require clarification from the Government of Uganda (GoU) regarding the effect of the guardianship order. GoU may well tell the US Embassy that the guardianship order does not permit emigration and adoption abroad and therefore the child will not be eligible for an IR4.

(2) IR3 which would require the PAP to seek and obtain a full and final adoption. This will require that the PAP coordinate with local attorneys regarding Ugandan law.

(3) File the petition with the US Embassy as per usual. They will consider it “not clearly approvable” and forward it to USCIS in Nairobi. This will delay the process and there is no guarantee that USCIS will return with a favorable response.

It may be likely that all U.S. PAPs may have to obtain a full and final adoption in Uganda in order to obtain an immigrant IR-4 visa. When our Embassy has more information from the Government of Uganda, we will be sure to inform PAPs.

Lifeline families need to know that we are working behind the scene, here and in Uganda, to aid both governments in the process as well as keeping families informed about what is transpiring. Our attorney remains confident that things will work out for Lifeline families because of what he is hearing from the Ugandan Courts.

For all Lifeline adoptions our attorney has always added the verbiage in the original affidavit that the intent of the American family is to take the child to the US, finalize adoption, and apply for US citizenship.

Perhaps other attorneys have not taken this step in filing their petitions which would understandably cause concern on the part of the US Embassy.

Be assured that as new information arises we will keep you informed.

Adoption is a faith journey and we believe God not only desires to transform a child through this process, but you as well. We encourage all of our families to commit this process to the Lord in continual prayer. Lifeline also desires to stress the importance of timely and accurate information. If you are hearing reports counter to what we are communicating to you they are false. Lifeline families may contact me if you have additional questions. You are continually in our thoughts and prayers!

Dave Wood
International Director
Lifeline Children’s Services

2010-01-29T14:16:00.000-08:00

It's 2:17 on a friday afternoon.
It is almost february.
I'm wearing shorts even though I'm cold.
I still can't believe it's 2010,
and in two months I will be twenty seven. 27. wow.
I feel so young sometimes, and then I remember.
I'm really not.
I'm drinking raspberry tea and trying to get some work done.
so very soon I'll be caught up.
and then, what will I do with my days?
the sun is playing peek a boo with the clouds,
and lexi lou is sleeping at my feet.
The house is very, very quite...
I did mountains of laundry today.
6 loads.
Daddy is out working at J's.
the grass is getting really green because of the rain
and it's so very pretty..
and I want to take a picnic.
..read a book for an entire afternoon..

.. where are you baby? What are you doing right now? Do you know your loved?

Because you are.

hugs and kisses, Mommy

I bought you a present..

2010-01-25T23:11:00.001-08:00

I bought you a present today baby. And, I just know your going to love it. I had one when I was little too, and so when I saw it, I knew you had to have one ... after all, it's kind of amazing. If I'm honest with myself it's probably just as much for me as it is for you. {But, shh. Don't tell daddy. }

Did I tell you we're number three on the waiting list baby? Soon, so very soon I will meet you.

I'm counting down the days, even though I don't know how long they will be. We're hoping and praying we get to meet you as soon as possible... not only so we can prepare for you, but also so we can try and bring you home before the Ugandan courts close for the summer. If I have to wait to bring you home for months after I've seen your sweet face I may just die.

Hopefully it will be so. Hopefully it will be soon.

I have a whole box of baby things for you now baby. I had to have Tia Koko give me a new, bigger box after they moved because my old baby box was too small. I have all kinds of things in that box. Dresses for girls, cups for toddlers, books for babies, shirts for boys. I bought you the cutest dress ever if your a girl. If not, Aunty Liz will like it very much I'm sure.

That is the good thing about having little aunts and uncles baby... not only do you get automatic friends, I also don't feel as bad buying things you may never wear.. because they can wear it if you can't.

I love you baby. I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and tell you your home forever.

xoxo

Mommy

PS Here's what I bought you today...

PSS

We have two for sure girl names picked out now.. and two bouncing baby boy names, so baby dear, you've got a name now... but until we see you and know it fits, your little face, my lips are sealed..

I shall read books to keep me occupied...

2010-01-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

I'm in a rambling mood today...

..and so, ramble I shall.

For Christmas husband man and I were given an amazing book from our friends. {we had searched high and low for good books on toddler adoption and attachment, but it seemed that all the books I bought were just not what I was looking for...} and then, low and behold we were given this book. I.was.so.excited.

Honestly, I think it's a must read for anyone adopting! I'm not done reading it yet, but it has definitely blown all the others away already....

click here to buy it...

..on another note, our first meeting with our social worker was today and it went fabulously!

I made cranberry scones.

They were ah-may-zing.

and, so, the meeting went amazingly well too.

You can't be anything but cheerful with scones in your tummy.

so, now, ...we have one form, one final fingerprinting, and one home visit left and we are done....

...now, Sanyu just has to call us...

and sadly for me, patience has never been my strong point.

I love you baby.

xoxo

my soul waits..

2009-12-17T13:24:00.000-08:00

I find it compelling that ever since husband man and I were in Africa and the thought of adopting a baby first was spoken, this song has been in my head and on my heart...

i.just.can't.shake.it. {not that I even want to, but if I did there would be no hope for me..}

do I know what it means? no. Am I trusting God that it will all be in his timing and the perfect baby for us will be ours? Yes.

{{and, while I wait I will be one who dreams....}}

Those who dream

When the Lord brought back the captives ones of zion
we are like those who dream
and our mouths were filled with laughter
and our tongues with joyful shouting

when the Lord brought back the captives ones of zion
we are like those who dream
and our mouths were filled with laughter
and our tongues with joyful shouting

we will say...... among the nations
the Lord has done great things
we will say among the nations
the Lord has done great things

More then the watchmen wait for the morning
our souls wait
our souls wait upon the Lord
for with Him, His love and kindess
and abundent redemption

we will say among the nations
the Lord has done great things
we will say among the nations
the Lord has done great things

cause those who sew in tears
will reap in joyfull shouting ...

Song by Krystene Mueller

2009-12-17T13:04:00.000-08:00

My dear sweet baby,

On tuesday I sent off our home-study paperwork. One step closer to finishing our to do list. One step closer to meeting you and holding you in my arms for the very first time....

I think of you often. I wonder if you will be a tiny little man or a sweet baby girl. I wonder what we'll name you, and what you'll look like. I think of getting my first picture of you, and finally putting a face and a name to our first little one. I can't wait until you are in my arms forever.

I pray everyday that your being held and loved. I hope someone is kissing you goodnight {like I did with so many sweet babies} and praying for your future mommy and daddy to find you. I pray that you'll love us the moment you meet us, and we'll know, without a doubt that your the one.

I've found sparkle shoes for you if you are a sweet baby girl , shoe's that I'll buy the instant I get home. And if your a tiny little man instead, I've already bought you your first hat. It's darling and I'm sure you'll love it and never want to take it off.

I love you more then you know already. I can't wait to kiss your little checks and tell you your home. Forever. And that I'm never ever going to stop loving you.

xoxo and pancakes,

Mommy

stockings are best when their b.i.g.

2009-12-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

When I was liittle girl, my mom made all of us kids matching stockings for Christmas. They were beautiful. Perfect. And uniquely ours...

...so now, now that I'm about to be a mommy, I've been looking for special stockings for my little family...

..and I found these little gems on etsy... {which fyi is my favorite website ever }

and yes, I do plan on buying enough for Mogley and Lexi too...

made by rikrak.

Happy going to get a Christmas tree day!

xoxo

I shall make a table out of the books I own...

2009-11-13T14:02:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago, after our home study still hadn't come in the mail, and I was itching to do anything, something, I went online looking for one particular book that my sister, Rissa, had told me about. It's called there is no me without you, and literally made me cry reading the review on the book. I can't wait to have it...

So.

So, I went online to Amazon and bought it as quickly as I could. {because that very night I went to two different bookstores and neither had it in stock..} and then, while I was at it, {and frankly a bit bored} I started looking at baby books for baby ... {because everyone knows, baby can never have too many books!}

and I got..

..one of my very favorite books, Shaoey and Dot. It's about a little girl, waiting in an orphanage for parents and the little ladybug who watches over here. Seriously, if you haven't read it, you need to. I cried my eyes out the first time I read it to Elijah and Elizabeth. {and, while I'm being brutally honest, the second, third and fourth time too.. }

and then, of course I had to get Love You Forever. I love this book, and I love reading it. {especially when you are rocking a baby back and forth, back and forth...}

and, then, I need some reading material for me and husband man about our future baby and the adjustments baby will go through, right?!?

So, I got a few..

...in all, I actually bought eleven books for me and Ry and four for baby . But, the best part about Amazon is they sell used books. I actually got one for 50 cents plus shipping...

amazing...I tell you, simply amazing.

{and if need be, I shall make side tables out of all the books we now own. }

xoxo

and there shall be elephants..

2009-11-11T15:05:00.001-08:00

I bought this a rather long ago. Right after we got back from Uganda.

.....I found it one day on etsy and I couldn't not have it.

Isn't it marvelous?

book for baby

2009-11-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,
I got an email saying our home study packet was supposed to be mailed yesterday. Which, by my calculations means it should of arrived today. I couldn't wait to get home. I ran all the way to the mailbox, hoping it was in there. But it wasn't..

I'm a bit bummed. All I really want is to start it already, finish it, and mail it back off. I am ready to have you home, because even though I haven't met you yet, I love you. I wonder what you are doing and where you are...if your being held and loved on. I wonder if anyone is telling you that you are special....if your sad and sick or happy and healthy....

I wonder if the second I see you I will know you are to be mine. I wonder if you'll know it and feel it too. I wonder if you call me mommy or mama or mom? ... if you'll like to snuggle and have books read to you...

I hope you do, because bath time and bedtime is my favorite time of the day. I can't wait to dress you in footsie pajamas, pull you into my lap and rock you back and forth, back and forth...

I bought you a book today baby. I can't wait to read it to you.

I love you.

Me

{{and, because I can't buy clothes or toys for baby, I am settling on buying other things ... like this lovely book. It's a must get for everyone. and it will make you laugh. at least go to barnes and nobles and take a gander. it is totally worth the drive. promise. }}

"this one's jussssssst right..."

2009-11-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

...

looking at cribs online I felt like Goldilocks ...

Too girly. Too small. Too big. Too round. Too brown. Bad brown...

all I have ever wanted was a white, square crib...

...and then, wonder of wonders, this one caught my eye...

it's just right. Perfection maybe even...

Crib for baby.

Matilda Jane...

2009-11-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

...if I have any say about it, my little girl will wear Mitilda Jane every. single. day.

Pajama's!

2009-11-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

Paul frank pajama's are my favorite for babies ! After all, who can resist a cuddly little baby in monkey pj's??

..and um, check out those ears on the hood!!!

yes, small paul is divine...

art for baby

2009-11-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

My dear baby,

I bought this for your room today, just so you'll always remember...

I love you already.

xoxo

Baby book for baby

2009-11-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

Last night I was sleeping perfectly fine, and then I thought a thought and all I could think was that thought.

and I was wide awake, staring into the dark...

I couldn't fall back asleep because I was wondering...

I had realized that baby needs a baby book too, and couldn't get out of my mind if they even make them for babies who are two or three? Seriously I tossed and turned all worried..

finally I fell back asleep thinking, if they didn't have one I would make my own!

and so this morning {like all good mommies to be} I researched.

And I found.

Adoption baby books! How cute is that?!?

absolutely adoring this right now...

xoxo

Oh it is love...

2009-11-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

So, today I found what I want, no, need for baby girl's room... isn't it darling??

I'm in {heart} with decals...

and if it's a bouncing baby boy's room instead, then he'll get these lovelies~

you can purchase these darlings here from love mae's store on etsy!

xoxo

.....

2009-10-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, if your reading this, it's officially official, and we've made our announcement to family and friends. {hooray!}

Yes world, we're ready to be parents. Start a little family. Have a tiny one to tuck into bed and read bedtime stories to...

We're ready to kiss boo boo's better ...and lose sleep at night.

But no, I'm not pregnant. Nor am I planning on being anytime soon...

.... we're adopting our first little one....

and we couldn't be more excited.

we welcome all your prayers and support over the next months of paperwork and tears...

Welcome to our journey...